In watching a movie one time about a woman who was still seducing her ex, possibly even having an affair with him, I don’t remember, my husband looked at me and said “You know sometimes I think you enjoy the fact that your ex is still attracted to you.” It wasn’t accusatory in nature, it was just a statement, but it did get me thinking. Do I?
Of course I answered my husband initially with “Nah, no way! I left him!” but after a moment of true consideration I recanted to “Well, maybe a little. I don’t want him back, but I do like to feel attractive.” I began to wonder to myself how many of us string along our ex’s a little bit. It’s not always to the extent of the movies where the lead female flaunts herself in low-cut ensembles or an overly flirtatious attitude, but maybe just a little extra batting of the eyelashes or flexing of the muscles. I think really we’re all guilty of it, male, female, all of us. Indeed I did leave my ex, I wasn’t “left”, but there is a certain secret little satisfaction with finding that he still looks at me with the same wanting as he used to and exemplifies his attraction in any little way. Is this harmful? No, I believe that as long as you recognize it for what it is, the simple appreciation of admiration, you’re not committing any relationship sins. I do also believe, however, that this can easily become a slippery slope to cheating if not carefully monitored. Remember, you left him/her for a reason the first time. Although online dating fairy tales do come true, chances are that you’re not Cinderella, he’s not Prince Charming, and if it didn’t work the first time, it won’t work the second time.