It’s a question every single person would like to know the answer to: how can you find a love that lasts? Many people find that, while they have no problem finding potential mates, they find it difficult to establish a lasting relationship. Very often, the problem is that they are trying to establish relationships with the wrong people. But how do you find the right person?
Compatibility is the key when it comes to relationships that last, and that can mean different things for different people. It might mean you will find the right person on a black dating site or it might mean meeting someone through work – everyone has different priorities and the trick is to figure out what they are.
When you first meet someone you like, whether it’s by using an eHarmony free trial or being set up by friends, your brain is clouded with hormones. That dizzy, madly in love feeling pulls you towards your new partner. It can feel as if you have no choice but to be with them: you want to spend a lot of time together, getting to know each other from the inside out. While this can be a lovely feeling, it can lead to poor decision-making. The key to finding lasting love is to take a step back and try to look at each relationship with a clear head.
How to hold back
Taking that step back is not always easy, but there are a few simple rules that you should follow when meeting someone for the first time.
Make sure that you don’t think too far ahead, too soon. You shouldn’t be thinking early on about whether this person might be ‘the one’. Just relax and enjoy their company, rather than trying to force the relationship to move too quickly. If you are right for each other, what’s the rush? If you try to push things forward fast, you risk getting involved with someone who isn’t right for you.
Be yourself. There is no way that you can form a lasting, genuine relationship if you are doing so using a version of yourself that isn’t real.
Relax. Try not to worry if your new partner doesn’t call every day, for example. Getting anxious about the relationship can obscure real feelings, on both sides.
How to keep it going
Once you’ve made it successfully through the first six months or so of dating, and things are still going well, it’s time to make sure that you make the transition from honeymoon to long term. When you met, things just seemed to happen by themselves. Once the early relationship hormones start subsiding, to keep the relationship going, you need to start making more of a conscious effort. Be nice to each other. Do little things for each other, not because you want something back, but because you want to make the other person happy. Above all, be each others’ best friend.